


Wrinkled Old Man Balls

by BeaRyan



Series: Rare Pairs for Grey's Anatomy [5]
Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: F/M, Friends to More Than Friends, Merlex - Freeform, Sharing a Bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-01
Updated: 2016-04-01
Packaged: 2018-05-30 14:08:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6426898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeaRyan/pseuds/BeaRyan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You're poking me," Meredith complains and she scoots further towards her side of the bed.  <br/>"I'm a guy.  We aim for the sun in the morning.  Get over yourself." </p><p>Friends to Lovers.  A/U: No Thorpe. No Jo.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wrinkled Old Man Balls

"You're poking me," Meredith complains and she scoots further towards her side of the bed. 

"I'm a guy. We aim for the sun in the morning. Get over yourself." Alex rolls away from her, dragging more than his share of covers with him as he goes. She needs to learn to sleep alone again, but if his presence stops the night terrors and lets her get enough sleep to function then so be it. 

XXX

They fall into bed at an appropriate time for adults, for surgeons with a full schedule the next day, but they're both just a little drunk and not quite ready to sleep. 

Alex's eye lands on the picture of Derek, and he remembers the hard-ass who always thought he knew best. Good surgeon. Not a good enough man for Mer, but then no one would be. If Christina had been a dude... Well, if Christina had been a dude she basically would have been Derek.

"Did you, Derek, and Christina ever...?" His tone and expression finish the thought. 

Meredith laughs. "The three of us? You think the three of us? They'd have started arguing about millimeters and angles."

She pulls up the covers and snuggles into her pillow, then rolls her head to the side and gives him a wicked grin. "Now ask me about the four of us." 

"Owen?"

Meredith shakes her head. "Burke." 

She can't believe she's told him this, but then she can't believe he's been in her bed every night for four months now. It seems like too long, but it also seems like he's been here forever. 

XXX

Her body wakes before her mind does and her hand seems to move of its own volition. She could make him smile. He knows how to make her smile. When no one else can and when no one else is there for her, she can count on him to appear and hold her up. 

She slips her hand inside his pajama pants and he twitches in response. 

Alex rests his lips against her forehead, not a kiss, just a breath, and then says, "Still not Derek." 

"Sorry," she says, withdrawing her hand, but she's not certain what she's sorry for. She's not even certain she was thinking of Derek when she reached for Alex. 

XXX

She flips the pillow over the the cool side and stares at the ceiling. She never sleeps well when he's not here, and she doesn't dare take the sleeping pills when it's just her and the kids in the house alone. Maggie is at the hospital on call. Alex is out for a guy's night. He might go home with someone and she wants to punch him for it. She knows she doesn't have a right to his fidelity, especially when they're only sleeping together and not _sleeping_ together, but she wants it. 

She wants him to be happy.

She wants him to be happy with her. 

Crap. 

XXX

The kids are tucked in and Maggie's on a date, so it's just the two of them with a million choices on Netflix and nothing worth watching. They've been on opposite shifts for a few nights and she can feel the effects of too many nights of lousy, lonely sleep piling up on her. They go to bed early because they can, and she feels old and young all at the same time, silky panties under a nightie that's seen better days. Alex is in his usual pajama pants and t-shirt and he gives her a look to confirm she's ready before he clicks off the light. 

The darkness doesn't make her sleepy and she can tell from the way Alex is breathing that he's awake, too. 

"What do you think Derek would say if he saw us like this?" she asks. 

"He'd find a way to give me shit. Guy never liked me."

"You used to be kind of awful." 

"Yeah," he admits. "True neutral is a bitch when the the guy's only looking out for his himself." 

She chuckles. "I have no idea what you just said." 

"It's a Maggie thing. How much do you care about law and order versus how much do you care about doing what's right? I care about taking care of my own and that's it. True neutral. That used to just mean me. Then it was me and my patients." He's quiet for a minute and then she hears a contented exhale. "Some other people have worked their way in, too." 

"And what does Maggie say I am?" she asks. 

"Chaotic good."

They both laugh. Maggie's heard the stories, but she really has no idea how right she is. She didn't live through the weddings, the losses. The moments that cut like a scalpel and force you to face who you really are. 

"I am chaotic."

Alex runs a hand through her hair and rests it on her cheek. "You're good, too."

Her stomach flutters. It would be easy to move just a little closer and kiss him. "It's hard to be good."

"Good comes naturally to you, Mer. Whatever it is that your gut is telling you to do, that's probably what you should do."

"Derek wouldn't agree." 

"He was a great surgeon, but he wasn't a perfect person. No one is." He's silent for a minute then he continues. "Ignore the 'shoulds' and the worries about what someone else would do. You have good instincts." 

"Sometimes it's better to leave the tumor in. The surgery could kill you." 

"Worrying about the tumor could make you wish you were dead," he counters 

It doesn't escape her that it's Alex who's pressing her ahead. He's become one of the more cautious doctors among her friends. He innovates but never with a wild swing for the fences. He's not Christina. He's not Derek. He's Alex. He doesn't do anything because it would be amazing if it worked. He does what has to be done. 

He grasps her hand and takes a deep breath. She knows that sound. He'll be asleep soon and she'll be left lying here feeling like a chicken. 

"I love you," she says. 

"I know. I love you, too." His voice is deep and contented, and she pulls the covers around her to protect herself from this awful, exposed moment. 

Her voice breaks as she says, "No, you don't understand. I love you."

He moves so she's tucked under his arm with her head on his chest. "I know. I love you, too." 

She feels his lips brush through her hair and aches for their first real kiss. One day... Soon.

She listens to the hum of the air conditioner and feels the soft thump of his heart and the steady rise and fall of his chest under her cheek. "I have kids, you know. I come with a massive amount of baggage."

"I've seen you pack and unpack for a decade. I know your baggage. I'm still here. We'll figure it out together." 

"What if we ruin it? What if we ruin everything?" 

"You know what happens if we don't? You end up with unlimited access to wrinkled, old man balls. Whether we blow it tomorrow or one of us croaks in 50 years, we're screwed." 

She knows he's right. 

There are no happy endings, just endings. 

It's going to be a mess, but at least she'll have her person by her side.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments inspire a 30 second dance party.


End file.
